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| In the room upstairs, enjoying a little Nick Drake, waiting for that "sleepy feeling," playing Tetris on my phone, it's 1 in the morning. At first it is hard to make out, the faint yet cutting sound of argument. TV? Family? I remove my ill-designed headphones (more on those later) and listen. It is coming from outside my second story window. The air is still and it is stuffy in my room making it hard to breathe. I continue with my game, trying to beat my high score but the sound of the clicking buttons makes it harder to hear the mounting drama from the porch next door. And I think to myself, if they're going to keep me up like this (as if I needed help with that), I may as well be entertained. So I crawl to the window to get a look at my new friends. Adam and Sabrina.
They have recently returned from a local bar, certainly under the influence. Sabrina is PISSED. From what I could gather, they were having a perfectly magical evening together when, in a sudden blaze of boozy testosterone, another young gent may or may not have called Sabrina a bitch. From there it's hard to tell what really happened. In light of their condition, the recollections are mainly those of blurry lights and a shrill and steady screeching from Sabrina's well equipped diaphragm, as well as some jumbled and presumably clumsy violence concerning a couple of alpha pups preoccupied with defending honor. It is unclear whether they got kicked out or if Sabrina was able to pry Adam away, but the fact remains that two very different senses of pride had been damaged and exaggerated with the help of a little alcy.
As they stood there in the dead of night, emotions escalating, they battled it out with only the sound of the waves crashing on the shore and two attentive and invisible ears to hear their testaments. "Why can't you see it from my perspective?" She bellows as he sways before her as if a slight breeze could bowl him over now-a far cry from the immovable warrior he had been and hour prior.
Finally, after 2 hours, she is telling him she wants to go home, she is telling him to go inside, she will hear no more. I wasn't sure who to root for at first, not clear on what had occurred and who should really be apologizing, but now it is apparent. You go girl!
He looks at her puzzled, looks at the door, looks at her, then at my window, I duck, he is confused. Does she really want him to go inside? Is this a trap? He says he will sleep on the couch, she wants to hear that she was right and he was wrong...no such luck. She storms inside and slams the door right in his face! I almost lost it, had to duck down and stifle the giggles.
There he stood, defiantly humiliated, his crumbling sense of manhood hanging by a thread. His bald friend comes out to see how he is doing and is regaled with an epic tale of revenge and honor. They share a beer and a laugh. His esteem restored, he goes inside. From there we can only guess what happened, I would like to believe that Sabrina grew a brain and decided to focus on her school work and Adam joined AA and started doing yoga, dare to dream.
Family vacay was a good time, lots of games and puzzles, the obligatory inebriated outpouring of emotions. A well-rounded journey across a balance beam of sensitive subjects and pure silliness. We are an interesting crew to say the least. It was good to see the Ocean, it looks like freedom to me. It's freakin huge. Oh yeah and the gross dead seal.
So about those stupid headphones. You know the ones I mean, those piece of crap white ones that are standard issue with an ipod. I mean who designed those? Dumbo? Whose ears are that big? The more I shove them in, the more malformed my ear canal becomes and the more likely they are to dislodge and evoke a serious cuss storm. Anyway, I think they suck.
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| hello again world. that's right- after a 2 or 3 year hiatus i'm back! and i am ready to knock your socks off. and if your socks are still on by the end of this little snippet of wordiness, your money back guaranteed! i am secretly doing this again in order to knock off my own socks. i forgot about the seriously cathartic qualities of writing an objective account of my daily goings-on. so here i am!
first things first, a soundtrack. i think it is obvious- the shins' wincing the night away. can you really get any better for creative stimuli? i think not. i am very fond of words that end in the letter "i". they are a welcome anomaly. i am having to resurrect my spelling skills that have been lain dormant for awhile, luckily the little red dotted line tells me when i am in err.
i have been playing a lot of internet scrabble. i like it pretty good but the problem is the waiting. according to tom petty, this is "the hardest part". i tend to agree with most of things tom petty says. thank you sir, i do belong among the wildflowers. anyhoo, scrabble is decidedly my most favorite board games of all time. literally. i have a friend who begins a high percentage of his sentences with, "it's literally..." and i think it is wonderful. i like people who do things that are funny. most of those sentences end with something that could not literally be true which is the other reason that it is so great. i digress. a lot! all the time in fact. so much so that.. oh shoot. i did it again, did you catch that? what fun. the point is, scrabble keeps it real and is more fun in person.
this has been a month of creative outletting among my cronies. the circle to which i belong. and let me tell you something about these folks, they are some truly special creatures. i kid you not. i wouldn't do that to you. these folksies that i associate with have it figured out i'm pretty sure. i mean as far as a general direction, but that is more than most people i meet can really say. one poetry slam and open mic later, i am more convinced than ever that i am blessed to know them. i am also more convinced than ever of what the hell have i been doing these past few years? seriously. i literally have no idea. somewhere along the line i lost the way, or i just took a detour. i guess i "learned a lot" or some BS, i just wish that i had remembered the priorities that i held in such high regard back in the '05's and '06's.
it's funny because now, writing this, i am a little shy about sharing it. i don't think a lot of people know me in this way. i don't "express myself" like this. it feels a little revealing and i don't know how i feel about that. but i think it is a step in the right direction. i miss people knowing me well. it really brought me a good deal of joy to have feedback on my writings and thoughts in this public forum type setting as well as in my personal and face to face relatios.
this album is rife with some pretty excellent lines. "been alone since you were 21. you haven't laughed since january..." i like it. there are some others i like better but i can't think of them.
i would like to delve into the psychological issue of why people like tiny things. i might another time when i've given it a bit more thought. the things i am talking about range from miniature every day items like ketchup or living room sets to puppets and the mouse and the motorcycle. i don't know why i love those things but i just do. they are so effing adorable. but that doesn't seem a sufficient explanation for such a widespread and acute affinity for them. i could literally just eat them up. i will develop some theories to share for next time. if anyone happens to be reading, let me know what you think.
i know as a child i definitely had a strong desire to have a little buddy in my pocket to carry around with me and play with and tell secrets to. who doesn't? i still want one, i guess i just deal with it differently now. no more leaving the window open a crack in case one comes a'knockin' in the dead of night when most of the anthropomorphizing occurs.
until next time.
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| woah nellie what a year so far. there's a lot to do here. a lot of tedious dangerous things in life. i read about a shooting in virginia yesterday. today i read about the shooter. the loner, the "question mark kid" the guy no one talked to because he talked to no one. the ignored wierdo. wouldn't it be nice if weirdos didn't scare us so much? if maybe instead of avoiding them, we could reach out and touch them? let them know they are humans too and not every one is against them? i wish i would do that. i am in no position to criticize his classmates because i can guarantee that i would not have acted any differently than them. in light of all this i will say that i will really try harder to notice the loners. and so my life...geez. i haven't been quite myself lately. um. i guess this isn't the outlet i ought to use for sharing the strangeness that is the present. melphi and stacy visited recently, a brief taste of the past closeness. left a good flavor in my heart. but they're gone. i'm alone a lot and it's ok. i don't know if it's good to enjoy being alone this much. i've been reading, but not thinking. when i start to worry that my choices are foolish, that's where the beer comes in. well, someday i'll get it right. this was more depressing than it was meant to be. i'm not sad really, just a little distant. | | |
| | it was just like any other night, meeting the posse for ddr at the emu, little did we know what was in store for us on that seemingly innocent night. i met them there about a quarter to midnight after work. the emu closes at midnight so sadly, we were only able to play a couple of games. after being kicked out of there we stood outside in the bitter cold trying to decide what to do? go home and go to bed? no, it was melphi's birthday now and we could not just go to bed. i don't know who it was or if it was just a voice from the heavens, but it was suggested that we take on a formidably snowy spencer butte. and that's just what we did. we got there around 1 am after a stop at walmart for some cheap gloves. off we went up the mountain, shivering and stumbling all the way. it's hard to explain why this sort of activity is fun. honestly a cursory look at it would communicate extreme discomfort and hardship, but in the company of such super fun people and when the moon hit the snow and we could see the path a little and that moment when we finally reached the top and looked out at the city, it made it all worth it. it was around 2:30 now, i did some calculations in my head and proposed a trip to krispy kreme donuts in portland if we got to the car by 3. we scrambled down, lost the trail a few times, fell on our asses a lot of times and laughed the whole time. we reached the bottom and piled back into my trusty car, dignan. 2 hours later, we were there, it was right when they opened and the fresh donuts sign was on meaning, we got a free, warm donut as we walked through the door. we got a dozen donuts sat for awhile and drove back home. we were all pretty tired when we got home at 8 and christine had to go to work right then. the end. |
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| work has been a lot of fun lately. it is the montage period if you will. i'm not quite sure what song is playing while i start getting good at this job but it is upbeat and fun. probably something from the 80's. maybe end of the world by REM. i'm moving to washington! next month i'm moving with stacy and melphi to a little cabin in northern washington 13 miles from the canadian border. i'm pretty excited. it's been a while since i've moved. i can't wait to not live at home again, it's been so stunting to be here for so long. it's been good in a way but it will be so much better to not. anyway, i am supposed to be somewhere else right now so i should go. | | |
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